Imprison My Body, Free My Mind
by eyeofthetiger95
Summary: A collection of drabbles and one-shots written for the staff and players of an MC server. IP is prison. blockedup. net. Cross-posted from DA and AO3. Rated Mature for smut and graphic violence in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**_Last Second_**

(Soulmate Clock/Soulmate Timer AU)

"Dad I'm scared."

"You'll be fine," said xVezii with forced cheer. Creepa was picking at the edges of the watch where it fused with his skin, and xVezii gently pulled his hand away from it before he could hurt himself. The blinking numbers read 00:00:00:00:00:28:37. Barely a half-hour left until he met his soulmate.

"What if they don't like me? Or I don't like them?"

"You don't like anyone, remember?" xVezii reminded him playfully. Creepa just rolled his eyes.

"Dad, please don't make me go."

"Come on, this could be the best moment of your life. I have a feeling you'll regret missing out more than meeting them."

It took quite a bit of pleading and more bribery than xVezii would have liked to send Creepa out the door, but he was soon dragging himself down the path to the glowing event portal. xVezii watched him go until he disappeared into the lava curtain. His son. Trok's son.

Trok had left him the minute he found his soulmate. Years of what xVezii had thought of as love were torn apart in an instant. He couldn't blame Trok for putting his soulmate first; after all, he and Dylan were literally meant to be. But the jealous ache in his heart was still there.

xVezii checked the timer on his own wrist, more out of habit than anything. It read 00:00:00:00:00:00:06. It had stayed that way for the past two months.

The clocks weren't a guarantee of anything. They didn't account for orientation, previous and current relationships, or even how you felt about the person. They were just a fact of life, a symbol of a bond that ran deeper than any of society's dictates or conventions. It was entirely possible for soulmates to reject each other and continue on with their lives, but to xVezii's knowledge it had never happened. The one thing the clocks could tell with certainty was if your soulmate had died before you could meet. And xVezii remembered that day with painful clarity.

At thirty seconds, he had been in Alpha desperately scanning the crowd. Trok and Dylan had thrown a makeshift mine party, transforming the coal and iron into patterns of gold, diamonds, and emeralds.

At ten seconds, Trok had replaced the emerald blocks with a sea of lava. Screams and laughter echoed around the hall as the players scrambled to safety.

And at six seconds, a boy dressed in purple and black tumbled from the edge of the mine into the depths, vanishing under the glowing surface. xVezii had felt a terrible chill and looked at his clock. The numbers were frozen.

xWezii. His soulmate, gone forever.

He gazed into the portal, watching the lava shimmer. The screaming still echoed in his head.

A message from Creepa snapped him out of his reverie.

"Dad… His name is Tendencies."

At least he knew that Creepa wouldn't die alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Mornings_**

If anyone had warned N00bster86 and Colibrew that Dylan was purchasing a new advertising spot on a top server list, they would have smiled, thanked the person, and put it out of their minds. They hadn't realized it meant an influx of new players who were as adorable, clumsy, and attention-hungry as newborn puppies. Not even the chatmods could keep up with answering every question thrown at the staff and it felt as if they'd banned or muted every single hacker, advertiser, and troll who had ever set foot on a server.

All in all, it had been a stressful couple of weeks, and N00bster had suggested that he and Colibrew take a few days for themselves and go stay in his cabin in the free world. They both knew it was completely irresponsible and a waste of time, but they hadn't cared. There were plenty of other mods who, as N00b had said, needed to start pulling their own weight for a change.

It was the morning after their first night and Colibrew had been woken by a faint crash of thunder in the distance. He sat up to look out the window. The sun was just beginning to show on the horizon and the sky was brilliant pink streaked with orange. Thick gold clouds were gathering overhead and Colibrew could sense the incoming storm. Oh well, it was just another excuse to spend a few more days out in the cabin.

He looked over at N00b, who was still asleep on the other side of their bed and snoring louder than the thunder outside. The first slivers of light from the sunrise shone on his face through the little window, making his disheveled brown fur gleam with gold. His sunglasses lay discarded with the rest of their clothes on the floor next to the bed.

Coli gently took N00b's left paw in his hand and traced his brightened features with the tip of his claw. It wasn't enough to wake the sleeping bear, but N00b let out a loud snort anyway and rolled over towards him. At the same time, his right arm came around at the perfect angle to smack Coli squarely in the face.

At that, N00b woke up.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry." He reached over to cup Coli's chin and examine the damage, but his sleep-deprived lack of depth perception led to yet another accidental punch.

"Stop, you're killing me here," Coli laughed and pushed N00b away before he landed another hit. "You did enough damage last night," he added coyly, and N00b blushed under his fur.

"I'm just not gonna go near you until I'm conscious, 'kay?" N00b mumbled as he struggled to his feet. "Safer for both o' us."

"No, you get back here," Coli ordered playfully as he yanked N00b back down into bed next to him. "There's a storm coming and it's warmer in here."

They lay together for the rest of the day and into the night, with rain lashing the windows and thunder and lightning raging outside. But they both knew that there was nowhere else they'd rather be than in each other's arms.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Withdrawal**_

When Bunbun wakes up, it's already late afternoon and the sunlight pours into her eyes. She shrinks back from the stinging brightness and buries her face in her pillow. Her head is pounding so badly, she actually worries for a second that it'll fall off. She can feel her hands shaking and wills them to be still.

Finally she pushes herself out of bed and shuffles towards the doorway of her bedroom. Halfway there, she stubs her toe on something sharp and hops backwards, wincing. It's her sword, still lying where she dropped it the day before. After a moment's thought, she scoops it up, grabs a set of armor and a handful of drugs from a nearby chest, and heads to the PvP portal.

Most days don't start like this for her. But Bunbun finds herself seeking out fights more often than ever and wonders why. She writes it off to missing the old days of NightWatch, but she knows it's something else. Something she's afraid to face.

There's no one already in the arena, so she stands and waits for a challenger, toying with a single sage crystal while she watches the frightened faces on the platform above her. They gather at the edge, not quite close enough to fall, but close enough for her to see the fear in their eyes and hear their hushed whispers. _Good_ , she thinks.

Finally, right before she's about to give up and leave, three figures arrayed in diamond armor wielding enchanted axes drop from the safe zone and charge. Bunbun grips the sage crystal so tightly, it shatters and the edges bite into her palm. She can feel the drug burn in her blood all the way to her brain and when it hits, it feels as if she's been seeing the world in black and white her entire life and everything is in color for the first time. The familiar battle rage clouds her vision with red as new strength and energy surges through her limbs.

When the first player is close enough to hit her, she sidesteps his first clumsy swing and hacks at his exposed left side with her sword. He stumbles, thrown off balance, and crashes into one of his teammates. Bunbun races in a quick circle until she's standing behind them, and thrusts her blade through the space between his helmet and chest plate with such force that both pieces of armor splinter into crystal shards. Bright red blood sprays the two remaining attackers as the body of the first collapses in a twitching heap.

The two are more wary now, circling around her in opposite directions so that she's forced to turn her back on one. She doesn't like this, and backs away to keep both in view. She fishes an enchanted golden apple from her limited supplies and devours it. Magical barriers against physical damage and fire snap into place around her, and her brief exhaustion is replaced by new vigor.

Finally they charge from both sides, axes raised. She tries to dodge, but one of the blades connects with her chestplate, leaving a deep gash in the crystal surface. Bunbun retaliates with a counterstrike that cuts across his arm, making blood run down to his hand and loosen his grip on his weapon. His teammate leaps in front of him to protect him as he frantically tries to heal himself.

Bunbun sheaths her sword and slides on a set of spiked brass knuckles. Her best bet is to disarm his weapon before he can recover. She punches the shielding teammate in the jaw, stunning him, then tackles the wounded fighter, successfully wresting the axe from his grip.

He gapes at her, frozen in shock. Weaponless, he raises one arm as a reflex to defend himself as she strikes his head from his shoulders.

The last attacker breaks down and flees. Bunbun dearly wants to go after him but she can feel the effects of the drug leaving her. The red surging across her vision is subsiding and she feels exhausted, completely drained. _Maybe if I just sit down for a second_... Her legs barely support her for the duration of her teleport back to the safe zone before she collapses.

She can hear someone shouting at her, but the voice is faint, as if from a great distance. Bunbun tries to open her eyes to see who it is and tell them to stop, but it feels like too much effort. When she tries turning away from the source of the voice, her limbs feel like they've been filled with lead.

"...Bun? Can you hear me?"

Oh, it's Rasputin. How nice of him to stay with her while she falls asleep.

"Please, Bun, answer..."

She truly wants to answer but she's too tired. Why is he so insistent? If only he could just let her sleep...

"You can't sleep, if you sleep, you'll die! Bun, please, stay with me..."

His voice breaks and she opens her eyes, startled. Rasputin's head is bowed and tears are dropping onto the back of her hand, which he's holding in a death grip. This isn't right. He never cries.

"Don't... " Bunbun murmurs. Her voice is so weak, she wonders if he can hear her at all. She clears her throat and tries again. "I won't have you crying, particularly not over me."

He looks up, startled. "Bun, oh my god... I thought I'd lost you there." Rasputin puts his arm around her shoulders and props her up against a stone brick wall. She looks around and realizes she's at her omega plot. How long has she been here?

Rasputin pushes the neck of a bottle against her lips and pours a thick, syrupy sweet liquid down her throat. She nearly gags but manages to swallow it all. It's a healing potion.

"How-" the potion catches in her throat and she coughs. "How long was I out?"

"A few hours," says Rasputin hoarsely. "But you were running a massive fever the whole time... and you stopped breathing about five minutes ago. I couldn't find your pulse Bun, I thought you were dead and I was alone..."

"I would never leave you," she whispers, and as she says it, she knows it's true. She would have let go and drifted away into the void long ago but he's the tether holding her to life.

"I know."

She leans into him, suddenly feeling very cold all over. Was that what dying felt like? The potion has pushed away the numbing exhaustion from earlier and now she feels only terror for what lies beyond.

"You can sleep now Bun, you're safe. I just had to get you to take the potion." He moves away as if to leave, but she holds onto him.

"Stay. Please."

He looks at her with new concern. "Is everything okay?"

"No," she whispers. "I'm not okay. I'm falling apart Ras, and you're holding me together." Her hands are shaking again. "

He sits back down and wraps his arms around her. "I'm right here Bun. I always will be."

She wants to say something else, but she barely has time to close her eyes before finally falling asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Resurrection**_

It was nighttime, but the moon was full. Silvery light shone through the castle's high windows. It glistened on the plush carpeting and made the walls' intricate woodwork glow.

Arrow was still awake. The heavy velvet curtains in his room couldn't completely block out the moonlight. Even though he was exhausted, his mind refused to let him sleep. He tossed and turned in his bed, trying everything he knew to get himself to relax. Finally, between sheep number seven hundred and sheep number seven hundred and five, Arrow began to drift off.

Until footsteps sounded right outside his door.

Fuming, Arrow sat up and looked at his clock. It was almost 11:30. Cursing his insomniac company, he went out into the hall, intending to give whoever it was a piece of his mind.

At first, he thought there was no one there. But when he squinted, he could just barely see the moonlight reflecting off a mane of brown hair farther down the hallway.

"Iluv?"

It apparently was. She hesitated for a second at the sound of her name, but then hurried resolutely onwards.

"Where the hell are you going?" Arrow muttered. He took a moment to slip on his shoes, then silently trailed her as she descended the staircase and began crossing the main hall towards the castle's front doors. She kept closer to the shadows, but he was able to see the silhouette of a bag slung over her shoulder.

When she opened the front door and slipped outside, Arrow hesitated. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was intruding on something intended for Iluv's eyes only. But what if she was in trouble? He couldn't just leave her alone out there. His worry overrode his fear and he strode outside as well.

She was nowhere to be seen.

"Iluv?" he whispered as loudly as he dared. Arrow quickly checked the doors behind him, worried that someone had seen him leave, but there was no one there. "Where are you?"

There were deep, purposeful footprints in the pressed gravel track leading away from the castle doors. Arrow tentatively started following them, assuming they belonged to Iluv. If not, he'd just go back to bed. The tracks rounded a corner, and he followed.

There was a flurry of movement. Something heavy slammed into his chest, knocking the air out of his lungs and pinning him against the wall. The back of Arrow's head collided with the stone brick and he saw stars. As his vision cleared, he realized the person who had attacked him was Iluv herself.

"What the hell are you doing?" she hissed at him. "Did you follow me?"

"What the hell are YOU doing?' he countered. "And what the hell is in that bag? God!" He rubbed his sore ribs, wincing. "Who the fuck wanders around in the dark at almost midnight alone?"

"This is none of your business!" Iluv shouted. "Go away!" She scooped up her bag, which had fallen at their feet, and stormed away.

"Get back here!" Arrow grabbed the strap, dragging her to a halt. "I'm coming with you."

"No you're not!" Iluv snarled. She tried to wrench away from his grip on her pack, but he refused to let go. Their struggles dislodged something from the top of the bag, and Arrow quickly scooped it up. It was a heavy leather-bound book with a title embossed in flaking gold leaf on the cover.

"'Ex Mortis'?" Arrow read in bewilderment. Suddenly everything fell together. The ungodly hour, the full moon, the bag, Iluv's insistence on being alone, and the book. "No..."

Iluv snatched the book out of his hands. "Yes. It's happening. And I will not let you stand in my way."

"You can't do this!" Panic choked off Arrow's words. "It's been years, you have to let him go!"

Iluv whirled to face him. There was a look in her eyes so fierce and terrible that he took a step back.

"Don't you dare tell me to let him go," she said softly. "Do you think I haven't tried? Every single day since he left me? You cannot even begin to understand what I lost that night." Tears welled up in her blue eyes and streamed down her cheeks. "I will do anything it takes to bring him back." She reached into the bag and pulled out a silver dagger with a jeweled hilt. "Follow me, or try to stop me in any way, and I swear, I will kill you."

Arrow stood motionless as she shoved the book back in her bag. "Go back to the castle. You will tell no one what you saw here." She turned and walked away in the direction of the castle chapel.

He hadn't even been aware that he was holding his breath. Arrow let it out in a long sigh as he started his short trek back to his room. Sky's loss had hit Iluv hard. She hadn't been the same since he'd died. But was this really the way to deal with it?

He put it out of his mind as he crawled back into bed. Iluv had made up her mind and it seemed like she had been planning it for a while. Whether she succeeded or failed, maybe it would at least bring her some peace. That was all that mattered.


	5. Chapter 5

xKisa lies awake for a long time, staring at the pools of darkness on the ceiling. She's sick of this happening. Nothing has helped- warm milk, meditation, counting sheep, holistic treatments, prescriptions. The dark circles under her eyes keep getting bigger, and every morning is a greater struggle. She doesn't know how much longer she can stand it without going completely insane.

Creeperkiller is snoring soundly next to her. She watches his chest rise and fall, envying his peacefulness. Finally, she gets up to make herself some tea. It probably won't help, but at least it's relaxing.

When she comes back, Creeperkiller has woken up and is watching her with concern. "How long have you been up?"

"This whole time." xKisa sets the mug on her nightstand and flops down in disgust. "I don't know how much more of this I can deal with."

"Did you take your pills?"

"Of course."

He reaches over her and picks up the bottle, examining the label. "These are your old ones."

"God dammit." xKisa grabs the pills and shoves them in a drawer. "I can't keep track anymore."

"Here." Creeperkiller picks up the correct bottle and passes her three blue tablets. "Take them with your tea."

She gulps them down and crawls back under the covers, waiting for the Valium-induced oblivion to envelop her. When sleep doesn't immediately come to her, she sighs and resumes staring at the ceiling, counting the seconds until it does.

"Kisa?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't want to pry or anything, so I'm sorry if this seems like a personal question... Is there something bothering you? Like, anything you want to talk about?"

There it is, the question she's been afraid of answering ever since they started dating. xKisa is well aware of the dangers of keeping secrets in relationships, but she's withheld this one for Creeperkiller's own good. It's been a few months though. Maybe they're stable enough to handle it?

"I've just…" xKisa hesitates, gathering the courage to speak. "God, this is really hard to talk about." She laughs awkwardly to cover her fear.

Creeperkiller brushes a few strands of hair out of her face and tucks them behind her ear. "It's okay. Whatever it is, it's okay."

xKisa takes a deep breath, gripping his hand for reassurance. "I'm… Look, my parents were kind of pushy when I was growing up. You know, a lot of pressure on me to get married and have kids."

He nods sympathetically.

"And I just had so many unrealistic expectations about how it was supposed to happen. It sounds so dumb now but I thought it was gonna be some kind of fairy tale ending. Like I'd meet someone and just instantly know they were 'the one,' you know? But a lot of people aren't looking for a real relationship on the first date... I completely didn't know what I was doing."

"That's not your fault," Creeperkiller points out reassuringly.

"It's not that... I just kept trying. And every time I'd end up alone, wondering what was wrong with them when it was me the whole time. Some people say that's the definition of insanity; doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result every time." xKisa tries to laugh, but it comes out as more of a sob. "Maybe I'm already crazy."

"So I… like, the more I think about commitment, the more I just end up pushing them away." A single tear splashes on her pillow. "And when it happens, I know it's my fault and I shouldn't have tried so hard. But I can't help it. So I guess... my problem is that I'm just scared of losing somthing that I've been chasing. And losing it because of something I did or said." She lets out an involuntary sigh of relief. It feels infinitely better to let out all her stress and pain, like she's been suffocating for months and finally takes a breath of fresh air.

"God." Creeperkiller wraps his arms around her and pulls her close. "Why didn't you say anything about this before?"

"I was afraid I'd scare you away or something." xKisa dabs her eyes with the hem of her shirt. "I've lost so many people... I don't want to lose you too."

"Hey." He plants a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Look, I honestly had no idea you were carrying this much shit. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to bring all this up for you."

"It's fine." xKisa sniffles and rests her head on his shoulder. "I should have told you earlier."

"You know, if it does anything to put your mind at ease, I certainly don't want to leave you because of what you said."

She nods and takes a deep breath. "Thanks."

"And I'm not going to leave you. Not anytime soon."

"Promise?" she whispers. She knows it's childish but she needs to hear it.

He cups her chin gently and turns her face until she's staring into his eyes. "I promise."

Five years later, xKisa is kneeling in front of Creeperkiller's grave. Everyone has left her alone to say her last goodbyes. She doesn't try to hold back her tears, and they leave dark spots where they fall on the freshly turned earth.

xKisa traces his name on the headstone with her fingertip. She knows she should be thinking about the memories they've shared through the years: the wedding, the honeymoon, the ultrasound appointment on their anniversary. But only one thing comes to mind as she remembers his words from that night.

"You lied to me."


End file.
